Mi-Mi-Mi-Miami World Order! 4 Life. (The Decision Wrap Up)
Call me Lenny "The Brain" Heenan, because I told y'all this day was coming. Oh, wait, let me go back.
For the first time in the history of my writing on this site, I'm going to write a column and intersplice two things that really are like oil and water. Namely wrestling and basketball. Yes, I'm going to pull it off and here's how. Wrestling fans, remember July 1996? Bash At The Beach? Yeah, y'all know where I'm going with this.
Time: Thursday Night, July 8th, 9 PM EST.
Location: Somewhere in Greenwich, Connecticut
Occasion: LeBron James announcing his decision to play ??? for the 2010-2011 season and beyond.
I'm done with the letters and honestly, I think I'm just about done with all of this. Because apparently now, what LeBron said post Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals is set to come to fruition. Oh and I've got news for ya Cleveland, I don't think this story ends well for you at all. I've quietly held the notion that in horror flicks, if you show tits and you're a female, you're pretty much a done deal. For the last three weeks or so, New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland and the Clips have shown their "tits" to LeBron and his corporate crew. Tomorrow night, a little after 9 PM EST, we're going to witness five teams get gutted in unceremonious fashion. Oh, did I forget to mention the guarantee that LeBron's going to win at least three titles within the next five years or so? No?
Changing Faces And Artest Praising (Part 1 of 3/NBA Wrap Up)
Alright all my Lenholics...it's that time of the year. Time for Part 1 of the NBA Wrap Up.
"But Len, why just Part 1 now?"
Well, in case ya haven't heard, Free Agency starts on Thursday morning at 12:01 AM EST. For the first time since I've really taken up writing this stuff, Free Agency will account for a LOT of how this year concludes and how next season will look as teams get into position to chase the Los Angeles Lakers. So let's start there shall we?
Don't look now, but we've got a Finals on our hands.
Not but 24 hours after the Blackhawks brought a title home to the Chi, Boston evens up its series with the Lakers. Why? Da BENCH. Let me say this right now...last night's game is the reason why I picked Boston over Los Angeles to start this series. When you've got the luxury to leave your reserves out on the floor in the 4th quarter of a game that if you lose, you've all but guaranteed you're finished (no team has come back from a 3-1 deficit in the Finals), that's saying a LOT. Yes, Rasheed and Nate managed to get boneheaded technicals (Rasheed's was more damaging as he's now one tech away from being done for the series, depending on when he gets it and what the series is), but the Lakers uncharacteristically couldn't make em' pay from the line. But there's a few other basketball stories that deserve my attention, such as but not limited to...
Boston/Los Angeles XII: Green With Title Envy (NBA Finals Breakdown/Preview)
Alright, if this were Street Fighter, it'd be Ken vs Ryu. Only if Ryu were rocking a green fit and Ken were styling old school purple and gold. Don't believe that this isn't personal for Kobe, cause it is. Don't believe it's not about payback, because the more they try to sell that, the more it IS about payback for the Lakers. Here's the facts...
A) These teams combined have accounted for more than HALF of the NBA Championships celebrated in NBA history. You realize what that means? That's the equivalent of the Steelers and 49ers meeting in the Super Bowl, accounting for a chunk/half of the Lombardi Trohpies handed out in February. (Also note, we NEED to see those two hook up just once in February.)
B) This is the 12th time these two have met up in the NBA Finals. 9 out of 11 times, Boston's gotten it done. Never mind "rivalry", this is BEEF. This is what Biggie was rapping about once upon a time. Maybe we won't get Ron getting clotheslined by Kendrick, but this is personal.
C) For all that Kobe's done this year to inch closer towards Laker Immortality, here's a surefire way to get his name mentioned.
Beat Boston. As it stands right now, only a handful of Lakers stand in that hall so to speak. Big Game James, Kareem and Magic. The Showtime Lakers succeeded where Wilt, The Logo and others failed. They wrested the title away from Boston in the 80s, besting Larry's Big Three TWICE in three tries. How poetic is it that in order for Kobe to get one for the thumb, he has to best the Lakers' traditional summertime rivals? Hatfields, say what's great to the McCoys rocking the Boston green.
No Hooks To This One For Cleveland...(Game 6 Retrospect)
(Note, I'm listening to "No Hooks" by Shaquille O'Neal w/The RZA & Method Man as I post this. I originally typed this up late Thursday, but I sat on it in the oft chance that I may have changed some things. Which of course, I did.)
Come on, tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.
Tell me how much of a "hater" I am and I'll tell you what a fool you are for doing so. I'll laugh as I point out that the Cavs in two straight years have won 60 games, gone into the playoffs as the consensus pick to win the East and win it all, only to flame out in the Conference Finals and Semifinals (TWICE IN THREE YEARS NO LESS). Tell me that Cleveland's just fine and I'll tell you you're absolutely naive...or maybe you're Mike Brown, which might be one in the same. This team did something I don't think I've seen in all my years of watching basketball.
I'm going to do two things in just one column, well, make it three.
1) I'm going to put LeBron's performance Tuesday night into perspective and explain WHY as much as he has been pounded into the ground...he seriously deserves a break. Which leads me to...
2) I'm going to explain why win or lose tonight and in general the next 7 days or so, him leaving Cleveland is PARAMOUNT to any hopes he has of being successful.
3) I'm going to explain to any and every Boston fan why regardless of what happens tonight, the Celtics will win this series.
I hate to say I told ya so...well, okay. That's a lie. I LOVE doing that.
But ya know what? I'm laughing now that the folks at ESPNis are starting to acknowledge that maybe, just MAYBE LeBron is really LeHype after all. That perhaps, LeBron only looks really menacing, when the team he's facing isn't truly putting up a fight. Last year, against Orlando, they put up a fight and LeBron was sent home. The year before that, Boston sparked by three future HOFers who were deprived of their first ring...went all Super Twins and again, sent LBJ home. In 2007, after Detroit folded up shop way too soon, they ran into the Spurs who didn't forget LBJ posterizing the True F'N Franchise Tim Duncan. They were rolled up in 4 rather uneventful games. This Spring has been enlightening on multiple levels...let us count the ways...
The "Denver" Edition Of Len's 2nd Round Primer (Horribly Late, In Other Words)
What? Thought the second round would get underway without yours truly throwing his three bucks in?
Alright, a few quick things I took from the first round...
A) I like what the future holds for Oklahoma City. I do. I don't see this as a teaser, a one year bit where we're enticed with what's to come before they're back to Lotteryville next season. Kevin Durant is a perennial MVP candidate and he has a solid cast around him, that you figure Sam Presti will continue to build on. I gave them 6 because I felt they were young enough to get 2 from them (which they did) but in the end, the champs are just that for a reason. In the later rounds, they knew how to will their way through and that's exactly what they did.
B) I'm not sure who lit what fire underneath Orlando in that first round, but yeesh. Perhaps the Bobcats drew the single shortest straw they could've drawn in that first round. Perhaps if Larry Brown played Chandler more...no, wait. Dwight stayed in foul trouble, so that wouldn't have mattered anyway. Okay, perhaps if Jameer Nelson didn't have an out of body experience, it could've been a series. Either way you slice it, the Magic showed you why I see them winning the East for a second straight year. They are that deep and they are that angry over last year. Hell, they're probably angry over the fact folks are STILL looking past them to yet another L.A./Cleveland Finale.
"What are you screaming for? I haven't even cut you yet."
Since we're about two weeks out from the single most anticipated remake in the history of ever (IMO), I figured I'd kickstart my look out West with a quote from A Nightmare On Elm Street. Now yes, I get that Denver/Utah got started last night and as I type, Da Champs and those young Thundercats are going at it in Los Angeles. Still doesn't mean I can't give you my take on how this, arguably the toughest conference in all of sports (49 win teams need not apply here) could conceivably give us our first champion of the new decade.
The East Brief or Brief East (Playoff Primer 1 of 2)
Another Spring, another postseason which means one thing...
No, not Spring Flings. No, not another season of owners bitching about the Yanks and Sawks. (Glares at Milwaukee owner Joe Schmoe) It's time for the NBA Playoffs. So while Cleveland puts the screws and everything else to Chicago and Vinny (hey, someone had to give Paxson a break, yah?)...I figured I'd take this time out to give my unique POV on all things playoff related. Now, since the East is all but a forgone conclusion, well...I'll do this as to not totally disrespect the conference.
The Long Awaited Playoff Breakdown, Err Pre Playoff Anyway (2 of 2)
Alright, so mercifully this column which has taken forever and a day for me to get around to doing…may not be as difficult as I initially thought. On the East Coast, it appears that short of Boston remembering who in the hell they are and what they’re capable of…we’re heading for Orlando/Cleveland Round 2. Imagine that for a minute. LeBron against Superman and the Justice League. Oh, wait, my bad. LeBron, The Big Has Been and Har-Har Jamison versus Superman and the Justice League. (I don’t really care much for DC Comics, so that’s as far as I’ll take that analogy.) Of course out West, it looks to be a bit more interesting and ya know how I can tell this? Because usually, wherever TNT is, that’s where the interesting Conference Finals figures to take place. Last year’s East Final was very interesting, least if you weren’t a Cavalier fan. But I digress. Alright, breakdown time.
How I Stopped Ranting And Learned To Love Dell Or...(NBA Mid-Season Rant 1/2)
Subtitled: Blame It On Dell & Their Shitty Software
Alright, true story. I was all set to type my Slam Dunk and LeBlock-ulous NBA column when the software in my Mom's computer caused a system meltdown. So for three weeks, I was out of commission and ya know, it's a great thing. It gave me the necessary time to sit back and analyze well, everything. From All-Star Weekend in Jerryland to the Trade Deadline to the Best Player On The Best Team Award compared to the actual MVP award itself, which Big Stevie Cool aka Steve Nash is a three time winner of. So in no real particular order at all, I'm just going to write on what hit me as it comes to me, because that's what I do. Well, that and piss off the masses with my writing which has to be the truth or well...
Thankfully, half of this has been written for me because the upper echelon of the league has already established itself. Orlando, Boston, San Antonio, Los Angeles are your top four teams this season. Hands down, there's no debating that. If I had to pick one team to crack this group, it's Utah based on things I covered in Part 2 of my 3 part Preview Edition. Since this might be a very short column, I have taken it upon myself to...okay, I'll hold off on that for now. Oh but I'm sure some might be of the thinking, why not Cleveland? Well, I figure for a few reasons...
The Rest Of The West & Two Sleepers That Will Shock (At Least 1 Guaranteed!/NBA Preview 2 of 3)
Alright, thankfully, the Eastern Conference did most of my work for me by being so mediocre it's not worth expounding on the way I'm going to with the Western Conference. Know that anything of the NBA Championship discussion should only revolve around two teams in the East...Boston and Orlando. That's IT. Sure, you'll hear Cleveland mentioned but as Joe Pesci said in My Cousin Vinny...
"Everything that guy said is bullshit. Thank you."
Alright, let's get down to it shall we? There's a hiearchy established in the West, we know this. There's the Lakers and Spurs, the only two teams this decade to hoist that trophy beyond the Celts, Heat & Pistons. (Wow, think about that for a minute. In a 10 year span, we've had the title go between five different teams and two of those have had it for about half of this DECADE. More than half if you're the Lakers.) So in a matter of wrestling speak, the Lakers are the Triple H of this thing and the Spurs are Randy Orton. (I say this because almost every attempt they've had at repeating have ended at the hands of the Lakers. Orton's title reigns with the exception of his most recent one, have ended at the hands of Triple H.) So let's get to the proceedings this evening, shall we? In keeping with my schedule, I'm giving you the rest of the West picture as it fills out behind the Spurs and Lake Show. Those two teams will be spoken on in length in my final preview piece. Today, I cover the other six teams and possible sleepers to watch for. Firstly, last year's playoff teams...
Sports fans with an attitude, SportsBastards is a humorous take on the life-or-death struggle that is sports. It doesn't matter who wins or loses, but if they cover the spread.
