Sports Bastards

Mi-Mi-Mi-Miami World Order! 4 Life. (The Decision Wrap Up)

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:04:39 -0400

Call me Lenny "The Brain" Heenan, because I told y'all this day was coming. Oh, wait, let me go back.

For the first time in the history of my writing on this site, I'm going to write a column and intersplice two things that really are like oil and water. Namely wrestling and basketball. Yes, I'm going to pull it off and here's how. Wrestling fans, remember July 1996? Bash At The Beach? Yeah, y'all know where I'm going with this.

This moment right here, is what we witnessed just 5 days ago. Under the guise of a charity sponsored 1 hour personal shill-a-thon, LeBron James dropped the leg on the throat of all his Witnesses in Cleveland as he joined "The Outsiders" in Miami. The New World Organization of Basketball is here. We wondered if the rumors were true, if LeBron really was the third guy or if it was just overly speculative crapola on the parts of Stephen A. Smith (who apparently reported this two weeks ago) and Chris Broussard, who apparently picked it up in the wee hours of Thursday morning and bolted with it. Then, at 9:28 PM EST when most all in Cleveland held out hope that their hero wasn't joining "The Outsiders" of Wade and Bosh...

BOOM! The Legdrop From South Beach. To paraphrase Schiavone, I guess this was premeditated all the way back to 2008 when they played together on the Redeem Team. Well, it was but as I've stated on this website ad nauseum, as I've tried to tell Ohioans for years...it was inevitable. I mean, of course Ohioans are naive enough to believe that Dan Gilbert's presentation of some Family Guyish thing mocking other teams would be enough to keep him "home". Of course Ohioans are pissed, but well, they're pissed at the wrong person. Instead of burning LeBron jerseys as some poor attempt at burning him an effigy, they need to be spewing venom at the guy who was quick to type up a jilted Bromantic letter cursing LeBron and calling him a quitter. Dan Gilbert's the one to blame for LeBron leaving.

Dan Gilbert's the guy who couldn't get Michael Redd.

He's the guy who couldn't get Amare Stoudemire.

He's the guy who disassembled the core of that 2007 team, rather than letting it grow.

But I guess I can't hold Ferry responsible, since Gilbert ran him a month ago. I guess we can't hold Brown responsible for being a regular season coach unable to handle playoff pressure. Newsflash for Gilbert, unless you can swing a deal to land a Top 20 PG, Byron Scott won't be much better than Mikey was.

Ironic bit for all of you to chew on though...

LeBron's announcement came 14 years to the DAY (yes, the exact DATE) that Hogan joined The Outsiders to form the New World Order. If you take a listen to Hogan's promo after the fact, you could say that it mirrors LeBron's interview in parts. LeBron made Gilbert richer than ever in Cleveland. LeBron eventually, got bigger than the city. But as you can pretty well guess, like Hogan said on July 7th, 1996, LeBron got bored. LeBron got bored with the sheep that were kissing his ass that called themselves "Witnesses" and the organization that catered to his every need. He did everything for the charities, he did everything for his city.

But at the end of the day, you look at how his departure was received. If it weren't for LeBron, Dan Gilbert would be the guy who ran a bunch of check cashing joints in Ohio that's residing over a crap franchise in Cleveland. If it weren't for LeBron, Cleveland would simply be that town where failure resides. Clevelanders were on Cloud 9 when LeBron was around and try as you might, you couldn't talk them down. LeBron was "King" and the Cavs were title contenders year in and year out, no matter what the roster really said. No matter what the playoffs proved year in and year out. Year in and year out, I tried to warn Ohioans what was coming and I was repeatedly laughed off. Called a hater and dismissed.

Now, I'm probably that guy nobody wanted to be right that in the end, was just that. RIGHT.

So now, they will attempt to rally around an angry owner and a new head coach who only does his best work with an exceptional point guard. Mo Williams, unfortunately, is not him. The Cavs had best hope the rest of the East falls into some kind of wormhole and that the Lakers fall like they did in 1986 unexpectedly, because a title's not forthcoming anytime in the near or even distant future. But in the end, the Cavs find themselves back at square one circa 2002 before LeBron came along. Sure, they'll get a few token nationally televised games when LeBron pops in...but beyond that, not much else.

But on Thursday night, I think folks finally understood that for every guy that gets put up on a pedestal without really doing much of anything to earn it...there's a guy who's quietly doing his part to earn it. Kevin Durant, under the guise of something called "quiet", signed a 5 year extension to stay in Oklahoma City. Now, here's one of the few places in America where you would actually find college sports propped up bigger than professional sports. Oklahoma City is probably one of the few places that makes Cleveland look like Shangri La by comparison. Durant's in the West. Where Kobe, Gasol and Artest run...oh my. His contract runs through what figures to be the remainder of Kobe's career and into the prime of Gasol's career. He could've ran to the East, but didn't. Why? Because he wants to topple Kobe. He wants to encourage others to join him in the Oh Kay Cee in the process.

We witnessed LeBron basically announce to the world...

"I am not "King". I'm turning my back on my homestate and I'm taking my talents to South Beach."

Well Prince, I never made that mistake of calling you "King" and I tried to warn others against doing so. I guess they'll listen to me now, won't they?

Same Bron Time, Same Bron Channel

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 17:07:46 -0400

Time: Thursday Night, July 8th, 9 PM EST.
Location: Somewhere in Greenwich, Connecticut
Occasion: LeBron James announcing his decision to play ??? for the 2010-2011 season and beyond.

I'm done with the letters and honestly, I think I'm just about done with all of this. Because apparently now, what LeBron said post Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals is set to come to fruition. Oh and I've got news for ya Cleveland, I don't think this story ends well for you at all. I've quietly held the notion that in horror flicks, if you show tits and you're a female, you're pretty much a done deal. For the last three weeks or so, New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland and the Clips have shown their "tits" to LeBron and his corporate crew. Tomorrow night, a little after 9 PM EST, we're going to witness five teams get gutted in unceremonious fashion. Oh, did I forget to mention the guarantee that LeBron's going to win at least three titles within the next five years or so? No?

Well, that's what he's saying in no uncertain terms. Because now, the stakes are even higher than before. I'm having a very difficult time believing all this is to announce he's going to Miami. I really am. I can't see how he stages this one hour presser to announce he's staying. If so, why not have it from the James A. Rhodes Arena in Akron where his camp was held, or his alma mater where he accepted his first MVP trophy two years ago? Right now, there are just three distinct possibilities for where LeBron goes and essentially, become the focal point of angst in Ohio that hasn't been seen in the history of EVER. Let me be clear here, if he goes to the Bulls, he's Public Enemy #1 for LIFE. You think Clevelanders have a hard on for Art Modell? That'll be NOTHING compared to the heat LeBron feels when he steps foot in Cleveland for the first time. It may mark the first time cops in riot gear are present to keep the peace. I'm uncertain what most would say if he travels to the Nets, going to the Knicks would hurt but I don't think it'd shock many given his propensity for being a Yankee fan.

When Michael Jordan was a free agent after the 1996 season, there was no one hour special to announce where he was going. He listened to offers, contemplated and then decided to stay in Chicago. Short and sweet. (Unless you were a Knicks fan, then it wasn't as sweet.) When Kobe became a free agent, there were flirtings by the Bulls, Knicks and Clips before he chose to stay put. No one hour special required, even if the proceeds of this glorified informercial went to the Boys & Girls Clubs. Apparently, a guy who has won a grand total of ZERO Finals games in his career deserves more than that. More than Wade, who was Finals MVP and much more than Kobe, who was an NBA Champion three times over when he was a free agent.

I've maintained that simply put, the Cavs have blown this about 8 ways from Sunday. If LeBron steps before a bank of microphones tomorrow and announces he's leaving, Dan Gilbert may want to think about relocating. Because as much as Cavalier fans want to hate LeBron for tearing their hearts out, perhaps some of that angst needs to be directed toward Gilbert for enabling Ferry to disassemble the team that made an unlikely and improbable run to the Finals in 2007. Actually, Gilbert does deserve a bulk of the blame, since he has gotten rid of everyone else who could fall on the grenade for him. Ferry quit, Brown was terminated just weeks after Cleveland's implosion was finalized in Boston.

Still, what LeBron needs to realize is that now moreso than any other point in his career, the stakes are higher than ever. He's basically telling the world, the Association and all folk in between that he is "The Man" or he will be once he gets a supporting cast around him. He's serving notice to the 29 other teams in the Association that next year, it's on like a pot of neckbones. If you're not running with him, then you're being run over by him and there are no two ways about it. Period, point blank. Because now, even with a number change, it's All Eyez On U, Bron. For your sake, regardless of destination, I hope you can get it done whereever you go and get it done WELL. Because anything short of that, whether it's a crushing 6 or 7 game defeat in the Finals, will not cut it. People will think back on tomorrow night, all the hooblah you brought that didn't need to be brought and use it against you.

So that said, never mind the cartoons from Cleveland and all that other crap. Because as Rasheed Wallace once said, "Ball Don't Lie". Your game from here on in needs to be talking LOUDER than anything you say tomorrow night after 9 PM. But not for nothing, let me cover the other signings here too albeit briefly at best.

Amare to the Knicks
- Well, he gets reunited with D'Antoni and not much more. That roster is barely bigger than Miami's, but one could argue the combined skill of Bosh and Wade easily trump what the Knicks have right now. Short of acquiring a point guard and someone seriously emerging as a major force, this gets the Knicks out of the cellar in the Atlantic and not much more.

Bosh and Wade in Miami
- Wade finally gets a suitable #2, Bosh will finally win a playoff series after years of mediocrity in Toronto. As great as this is, there's a problem. Who are the 8 to 9 others Wade and Bosh will call teammates next season?

Dirk and Pierce Stay Put
- Dirk, short of something miraculous, will end his career with just one Finals appearance on his resume. Pierce, with help, can retire with at least TWO titles on his to offset last season's crushing Game 7 meltdown. Dallas has talent, but they reside in the same neighborhood as the Lake Show, which is problematic and then some. Pierce and the Celts, with a returning Ray Allen (feasibly) and some help off the bench, should have ONE last run in them. Even with the Superpowers in Miami, Amare in NY and LeBron in ??? should be in great shape to have a good run back to the Finals in the East.

Duhon to Orlando
- Interesting, considering he wasn't bad for the Knicks a year ago. He gives them flexibility they didn't have at the PG spot behind Jameer, so that's always a great thing. Now they need to resign Redick and keep that team intact.

Durant Stays Put For 5 More Years
- Only increases the probability that Kenny Smith's proclamation comes true. Presti keeps his franchise piece in place for half a decade, can continue building around him. These are the heirs to the Lakers' throne out West. Watch em'.

But to close, it's ironic to a tee that LeBron will televise his decision from the very network that has enabled him from the word "go". They televised his high school games, they've all but coddled him throughout his career even when the Cavs weren't so hot. Now, they'll give him an hour to play to the masses and elate one fanbase while devastating five more including possibly his homestate team to boot. Lights, camera, action.

An (Updated) Open Letter To LeBron (V2)

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 11:24:20 -0400

Dear LeBron,

Yeah, I realize this is the second letter I've written in a little under a week, but I needed to get this off my chest. I've been writing for SportsBastards for about three years now, primarily on basketball because it's my love. I've been a basketball junkie since before you were a twinkle in your parents' eyes. You stand probably 48 hours or so away from making a decision that probably will for all intents and purposes impact the prime of your career. Allow me to break down for you exactly what this entails as it pertains to yourself and your legacy in retrospect...
These are the years in which you will physically, be at your absolute best. You'll be stronger, faster, better...to steal a pun from The Six Million Dollar Man or something. Do you really want to do it in Cleveland? Now, I've had a chance to glean from all that you've seen and heard, as well as what I feel they really said or showed you. So let me sort through it all for ya, because time's ticking...

Cleveland showed you some funny Family Guy shit, because quite honestly, they don't have much to work with. You've seen what the last 7 years of your career have been like here. You haven't had a coach worth a damn until now, but sadly for you, this coach only works well when he has a Top 20 point guard running his offense. I wouldn't even throw Mo Williams in the Top 50 at this stage of the game. If you stay, you're essentially telling the world that you're content with underachieving and more or less, being the new age Kevin Garnett. (Reminder, KG only had ONE great run in Minnesota before his supporting cast wanted to get rich and stopped trying. You had one great run, only your supporting cast got older, weaker and you had to try on behalf of 11 other people.)

Chicago probably sold you on its basketball tradition and everything else, which in the 90s, it had a TON of. Of the supporting casts you've got to choose from, even I can't argue with the fact that Chicago's easily the best of the bunch. But I'm not totally sold it's the best fit for you personally. You see, while you're switching jerseys this coming season, you're gonna have to play in the shadow of perhaps the greatest Chicago player this side of Sweetness or Gale Sayers in Michael Jordan. His statue will stand tall outside of your office everyday and those banners which dangle from the top of the United Center will look down on you as you try to add #7 to the rafter. It's going to be rough...but you'll have one of the best young guards in the league in D-Rose running the show. Catch-22 of it is, who knows what Thibodeau will do in his first year as head coach? Maybe he's another Phil Jackson, who in his first year as head coach of the Bulls, took them to a title. A combination of you along with Noah and Rose could damn sure make that happen.

Then there's the Knicks and as a former Knicks fan, let me tell ya something off rip.

You don't want to have many bad games here, if you can help it. Ewing will probably never live down his miss in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals. John Starks will never live down his 2 for 14 crapper in Game 7 against the Rockets in 1994. Conversely, Larry Johnson is all but immortalized for his 4 point play against the Pacers in the 1999 Eastern Conference Finals. I should also add, that's the LAST TIME the Knicks made it out of the 1st round.

You'd be playing for a coach in D'Antoni who doesn't really preach defense, which is something you NEED to win a title. The rest of this roster aside from Amare is at best, sketchy. (And I'm being incredibly NICE in how I put that.) Maybe you go there and you can turn it around, but the media, fanbase and Association will be banking on you to do something that hasn't been done since 1973. Bring an NBA title back to the Mecca. Luck with that one.

Then of course, there's my "home". New Jersey. Many look at the Nets the way most look at the Clippers in Los Angeles, the White Sox in Chicago and the Angels in Los Angeles. Second class citizens, no matter what they do. The Nets have made two Finals appearances in the last decade, LeBron. The Nets have a fairly decent history in the last decade of being a rather formidable force within the East, until the last four years or so when the bottom fell out. The Nets boast a rather suitable supporting cast with All-Stars Brook Lopez and Devin Harris. You wouldn't have a bare cupboard to work with and on top of that, you have a billionaire Russian who's looking to go GLOBAL with this team in terms of appeal.
You're not going to do that with a perennial loser. Jay-Z's your best friend (or one of them) and please believe he's not trying to walk you into a losing proposition. Very few men of your caliber in the annals of the NBA have had the luxury of playing with a big the likes of Brook Lopez aka The Best Big Man Nobody Knows About...YET. The potential of an inside/outside combo with you two and Devin running the point is great, because remember...

Centers are a dying breed in the Association. Aside from Orlando's Howard, Portland's Oden, Kaman and Bynum in L.A. respectively, Bogut in Milwaukee and Haywood, what other bigs are out there worth a damn? Not many, if any at all really. New Jersey happens to have one which will be an All-Star for many years to come in Lopez. Favors will be a really good 4, given time and playing alongside you can only help speed the process up. Devin Harris has shown that he was held back in Dallas and now without the restraints in Big D, he's blooming in a big way. Yeah, I'm sure it's not sexy playing in Newark, but it's not exactly Siberia in its own right. Mikhail and Jigga will lay out a blueprint that will get you up there with them in the Billionaire's Club, while ensuring your hand gets heavy with NBA Championship rings. Please believe it.

Then of course, there's Miami. No state tax. Neverending Summer. Never a dull moment. Oh and Bosh and Wade are down there too. Problem is, what do you have after that? Keep in mind, they've only got TWO players under contract which means it's a MAJOR work in progress. In the history of the NBA, I don't think there has ever been a team with THAT MUCH TALENT in the respective primes of their careers to join forces at the same time. It's not to say it can't happen, but in doing so, you'd be admitting to the world I can't do this on my own on my own accord. I'm going to D-Wade's team to get this thing done.

So...to recap:

The Knicks even with Amare, can't be certain his knees will hold up. If he goes down, it's pretty much a wrap as there's not much there to soften the blow if he's gone.

The Bulls wouldn't be bad, but playing in the shadow of Jordan's #23 even wearing #6 wouldn't be doing you many favors.

Going to Miami for anything other than a ciesta, basically means you're playing on Wade's team. Not sure that runs well for very long.

Then...there's the Nets. It'll be YOUR team. You'll have a better supporting cast than the one you drug to the 2007 Finals kicking and screaming all the way there. You'll have an owner who is dedicated to going global with this team and in doing so, that means building a team that's a perennial title threat for years to come. Losers aren't exactly coveted by the world in general, just so you know. LeBron, you're 40 plus hours away from making the decision that will figure to dictate how the next 3-5 years play out in the Association. You staying put all but assures the Lakers will threepeat. I don't think going to Miami stops it, although I'm sure talking heads will bust simultaneously talking up a Heat/Lakers finale next Spring. Going to the Knicks will probably boost their flickering fanbase, but so would a stripper pole in the middle of the Garden for the Knick City Dancers to grind on.

Coming to the Nets would inspire MANY "WTF are you thinking?!" questions, but those will be subsided when you win and win often. A Nets lineup with you, Brook, Lee/Boozer, Lee or Williams and Harris is easily capable of winning 50-60 games next year. You'll have the help needed to exact your revenge on the Celts (you'll see them early and often), not to mention the Magic. Hell, we might even get to see another Lakers/Nets tilt if all breaks right as I'm set that it should. (Miami's not a slam dunk with nearly an entire roster to piece together with scrap parts.)
A suitable replacement will be found for Thorn, so there's no worries there. Help will be kept around ya at all times, but again as I've stated before, it can't work without YOU here.

Sincerely,
L. Net Fan

A Letter To LeBron (Part 2 of 3/NBA Wrap Up)

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 23:57:25 -0400

"Can you turn back time? Can you bring the dead back to life? ANSWER ME!!!"
"No."
"Didn't fuckin' think so."
- Freddy with Jesse moments before slicing him. - A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

Well LeBron, it's all over. Or it will be for you, if you stay.

It's funny that I had this written in advance, or at least a few hours before I walked out the door to see Robin Hood back in May and didn't bother saving the document. But the exchange I have up top here, is what should be in your mind along with what KG conveyed to you at the end of Game 6. You can't get your youth back when it's gone. Trust me, I'm 29 going on 30 feeling like I'm older than that. But before I go on, let me say this...

You may have had "three bad games in 7 years", fine. Everyone has them. But the problem is, you had two of those three bad games in the last 7 days. The problem is for your two MVP awards, the town of Cleveland is still titleless since 1964. But ya know what? It's time to come clean, LeBron. You're talking to a Jerseyan who's not awestruck by your presence and is certainly not a "Witness". You love Akron. No doubt. I love Jersey. But like you, I've reached a point where I can no longer stand living here because of all the BS that comes with it. You, are sick of Cleveland and all the BS that comes with it. Having to watch management give you body bag after body bag and expecting you to lift all of it to a title, it'll put some grey hairs in your skull I imagine. On top of the responsiblity that comes with having to ensure the gold stays on American soil every 4 years in the Olympics, yeah. Your plate's full. So as the man who knows what he speaks when it comes to basketball, let me break it down for ya. The good, bad and utterly repugnant as you sit for the next 72-96 hours making the decision that could decide how you play out the prime of your basketball career.

Staying In Cleveland...
- Only if you're a glutton for punishment my good man. Let's look at all that's come from your being there, shall we?

A) You had a fairly good coach in Paul Silas, only they replaced him with a glorified assistant in Mike Brown. Now sure, Mike Brown went on to win 60 straight in two straight seasons and even found a way to outcoach Flip Saunders when faced with an 0-2 hole (now proving that really wasn't THAT BIG a deal, Flip just sucks huge balls)...fact are still facts.

You've still regressed ever since the improbable 2007 run to the NBA Finals. Whether it was right or not, justified or not, Mike's finished and most likely, his record will take a dip as you don't figure to be a part of his future roster. (We think...)

B) I know this is before your time, but back in my day, there was a guy who wore that #23 for the Chicago Bulls. The very first team I was ever a fan of, were the Bulls. Before the bandwagon took on a life of its own, there were as many skeptics doubting Jordan as they are presently doubting you. The Bulls in the playoffs, were good, but couldn't get past Bird and the Celts or Chuck Daly's Bad Boys in Detroit. (Also note, back in this day, you could get clotheslined on one of your breakaway dunks and it'd been as legal as a pick. Come to think of it, to keep you from doing it as often as you do, consider it highly probable you'd catch one the way Kurt Rambis did in the 1984 Finals.) Anyway, the Bulls up until 1989 had much difficulty getting around Detroit in the playoffs. Management didn't blow it up, they merely sent Doug Collins packing and moved an assistant head coach a few chairs down. I think even you know how this story finishes...

The Bulls own the 90s, with Houston mopping up the two titles in 94 and 95 that a bored Jordan didn't care about, only to return to claim the last three before walking off for "good" in 1998. (I disavow all knowledge he ever returned as a Washington Wizard. That never happened, just like Rocky V, Rocky Balboa and the rest of Rocky after Apollo gets mauled to death by a roided Russian never happened. Let's just move on.) See what I'm getting at? In 1991, it could've been easy for Reinsdorf and Krause to simply say whatever it was that Ferry said after that 2007 season before blowing up a potentially young nucleus and replacing it with older, more dilipidated pieces.

That's why after your ouster at the hands of the eventual 17 time World Champions in 2008, you said the roster needed to be fixed. They listened, but somewhere along the lines, I think something got lost in translation. Instead of trying to get you Amare which would've given ya a definitive reason to stay put while keeping S.T.A.T. in Cleveland with you for at least a few more years...they give you The Big Aristotle one year later than they should've. In a year where virtually everybody worth a damn reloaded and did so in a huge way.

So when you sit down this Summer and ask yourself how the way older Celtics were able to simply dominate you without any S & M gear on...you know why. Ya see, here's the formula for any successful championship team. Feel free to take notes as you get ready to make the decision that will inevitably determine how you spend the next 3-5 years of your prime...

Championship Formula
A) An Alpha Dog. Has to be someone who at the drop of a hat, can and will cut your throat like he's cutting bread in a bakery.
B) The Backup Plan. A reliable #2 option who isn't quite on a #1 level, but when the Alpha Dog isn't feeling it, this guy steps in and the team doesn't miss a beat.
C) The "Payday" Guy. Best way I can define this is like so...

Remember those Bulls teams I talked about? John Paxson, Steve Kerr and Toni Kukoc were what you call "Payday" Guys. When teams closed ranks around the Alpha Dog, the AD would kick it to one of this Payday Guys behind the arc or wide open and BOOM. Pay day. You don't have any of those guys in Cleveland and it's highly unlikely you'll see any brought there this Summer.

Fact is, with the exception of the 2004 Pistons, you'd be hard pressed to find any NBA Champion that didn't fit the model I just laid out before you. With the 1999 Spurs, Tim Duncan was that Alpha Dog with The Admiral as The Backup Plan and Avery Johnson being your "Payday" Guy. (Note, I think that's why to this day, I really don't like him. I was a Knicks fan back then and he absolutely crushed the little fleeting hope I had of seeing the Knicks... okay, that's a lie. I knew they had no chance in hell of beating the Spurs without Ewing that year, let's move on.)

Right now LeBron, you've got a slew of #3s on your team and no definitive #2. Say, isn't this the same damn problem everyone said needed to be corrected like...FOUR YEARS AGO?! It is debatable to argue whether or not Boozer walking was essentially your best #2 option, only it was realized too little, too late. I'd be willing to argue, he was, only management didn't catch this until it was...TOO LATE. The reason you said nothing about roster moves before 2007 IMO, is simple...

You liked the cast of characters around you and you were cool with it. Why say something about a cast that you like? You spoke on this in 2008 because well, you knew full well you'd be walking up an icy hill with roller blades and look what happened? Two straight years, you have carried this "group" that the talking heads have gone as far to label "your best supporting cast ever" until that elimination comes and then it turns into "management hasn't done nearly enough to put help around you to put you in position to win championships". If you stay, know what you become?

Kevin Garnett 2.0

You become the guy who could've told people what was going to happen and ended all speculation, but didn't because you wanted the attention. Michael Jordan never did that. If he knew, he made it official so management could get on with keeping pieces around him to ensure the winning titles thing kept going. Period. Deep down, you know you're not coming back. Rather I know it, even if you're set on DENYING IT.

Going To Chi-Town...
- Well, sure, you'd be ditching #23 for a red and white #6. You'd be taking your powder tossing gimmick to the place it originated from, if only on a simpler scale with Jordan. You'd be tasked with bringing the town its first basketball championship since I was a Senior in High School (1998) and restoring the natural order of things in the Association (if you're a Chicagoan). The cupboard's far from bare here, what with Joakim Noah and Derrick Rose here to help you on your way. You could hit the ground running here and within a year or two tops, you'd get to shake hands with President Obama who would be eternally grateful you got his homestate team to his place on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

All things being equal, this is Smart Move 1A.

Going To The Knicks...
- Yeah, this is neck and neck with staying in Cleveland in all honesty. Sure, Donnie Walsh is your Team President and a great basketball mind in his own right. But understand that even with offensive minded Mike D'Antoni as your coach, your new boss would be James Dolan. The same James Dolan that hired Scott Layden who proceeded to send this team on a downward spiral in the early part of the last decade, then compounded that by hiring the man who sunk the CBA, Isiah Thomas. Note, maybe it's just me, but hiring a guy that sunk an ENTIRE ORGANIZATION and then fires one of the best coaches in basketball history (only man to win a title on the college and pro level) just because he could...

Not the kind of guy you want to rely on to build the type of team you need to get you a title. Also note, this should put the kibosh on any thoughts of playing for the Clippers. Donald Sterling's apathy is LEGENDARY in the annals of "Bad Owners". He's in a class all by himself.

Coming To New Jersey...
- Is not as laughable as many are thinking it is.

A) There's a young nucleus in place. One that you can run with and not feel as if you're waiting on old geezers to catch up to you. Just imagining running a three man break with Brook Lopez and Devin Harris running alongside you. Tossing an alley-oop to Brook or getting one from Devin. Your point guard was made an All-Star by default, Devin IS an All-Star point.

B) The Nets have two Eastern Conference Championship banners that are going to reside in the Prudential Center in downtown Newark for at least the next two seasons before they're moved to Brooklyn. (Also note, only Miami has had success in the last decade that has resulted in banners being hung from the rafters.) The architect to those teams has been given the reigns back by our owner Mikhail Prokhorov...at least until he quits one week after contracts can become official. Prokhorov's a Russian Billionaire (that's Billionaire with a B) and oh yeah, your best bud's a part owner. Your best bud's not going to let you walk into a suicide situation, so trust and believe if Jay gives you the approach anytime in the next month or so, he feels what I do.

The Nets can win a title in the next 5 years, but it can't happen without YOU.

C) Playing in Newark can't be any worse than playing in Cleveland, Bro. It can't be. At least in Newark, you've got a TON to do, tons of clubs to hop and oh yeah...we're next door to NYC. Go chill at the 40/40 Club with Jigga.
D) You can be part of something historic, the first team to bring a basketball championship to the great state of New Jersey. (If it happens in the next two seasons...)

So let's cut through the crap, shall we?

As great as the attention will be for you over the next two weeks or so, I think you know you're not going back to Cleveland. Your body language at the end of the Boston series did not speak of a man who was ready to hit the ground running this Summer trying to talk at least one other "big name" into coming to Cleveland. It spoke of a man who was ready to haul ass out of town in a hurry. Now sure, Cleveland's got the "edge" heading into next month's sweepstakes.

But just as sure as a woman with big boobs may have "an edge" in trying to get at me, nothing beats a woman with a brain that can keep me mentally stimulated. Having "an edge" means jack when it comes down to the get down, ya dig? Now sure, there are a slew of other places with cap space I didn't mention. But for good reason...

A) You're not going to Miami. While the thought of you, Wade and one other guy is a wet dream come to life...there are only two other players under contract. Beasley and Chalmers. That's IT. Oh and not for nothing, unless Riles runs another head coach so he can take over... I don't see how that's happening.
B) Unless there's something akin to an act of God and Donald Sterling sells to Geffen, forget Los Angeles. At this rate, you going West might be the only way we get Kobe/LBJ in the playoffs, but eh. Clips got talent, but Sterling's killing that franchise moreso than Dolan's screwing the Knicks.
C) I highly doubt you're staying put. Even if the Cavs play the "loyalty" card, what can they possibly do in the next three years that they haven't done in the last SEVEN?! Whether you realize it or not, your legacy will hinge on the next piece of paper you sign. You're out of time and excuses to be playing your ass off for 82 games, only to be owned by Boston, Orlando, etc. in four out of seven games.
D) As much as folks make Chicago into the place to be (and it's damn attractive from a roster standpoint), consider this. While Reinsdorf is one of a few men who can claim championships in two different sports he owns teams in, he's one of the tighest wallets in the game. That's fact. Ever stop and ask yourself why Pippen and Jordan aren't around Chi-Town more often? Ever stop and ask why nobody disputed what Wade said earlier this year about Chicago and how they treat their legends? Or whatever inspired Jordan's rant about organizations not winning championships, but players doing it?

Exactly. Bron, this is your career within the next week or so. Staying put ensures you'll spend the next three years idolized by the masses who have embraced mediocrity because it's all they've ever known. Leaving may ruffle the feathers of many and sure, it'll put you up there alongside Art Modell as men who dared burn the city of Cleveland...but guess what Art's got?

A Super Bowl Championship. Sometimes you gotta get away to make a way. T.I. said that.

Sincerely,
Len
- Unofficial Spokesperson of the LeBron To Jersey Coalition
- Resident Basketball Expert for Sportsbastards
- Most Knowledgable Basketball Expert To Call In 88.1 WZIP FM, Even If I'm Not Physically In The State Anymore. :P

Changing Faces And Artest Praising (Part 1 of 3/NBA Wrap Up)

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:39:56 -0400

Alright all my Lenholics...it's that time of the year. Time for Part 1 of the NBA Wrap Up.

"But Len, why just Part 1 now?"

Well, in case ya haven't heard, Free Agency starts on Thursday morning at 12:01 AM EST. For the first time since I've really taken up writing this stuff, Free Agency will account for a LOT of how this year concludes and how next season will look as teams get into position to chase the Los Angeles Lakers. So let's start there shall we?

For the 16th Time...With Feeling...
- The Lakers are your NBA Champions. Oh and before I go on, I don't want to hear any "Len jinxed the Celts by picking them in 6" garbage. Anytime a team does the following things in a Game 7...

A) Blow a 13 point lead they've established in the 3rd quarter.
B) Hold the opposing team's best shooter to UNDER 50% from the floor for the game in a game in which said player admits he basically blew it...
C) Go absolutely hack happy putting the struggling Lakers on the line giving them freebies from about the 9 minute mark of the 4th on, making the solid D they've played all game all but irrelevant...

YOU DESERVE TO LOSE!!! For Boston, this loss is triply bad because of the ramifications that could come down the pike within the next two weeks.

A) Possibly losing Ray Allen.
B) Possibly losing "The Fact" Paul Pierce who can opt out of his contract and become a free agent, but is unlikely at best.
C) Having Doc Rivers forego the final year of his contract to watch his youngins play ball.

Many can and probably will debate that with a healthy Kendrick Perkins, Boston wouldn't have lost Game 7. There are those who will state what Doc stated after Game 7, that when healthy, that starting 5 of Perk, KG, Pierce, Ray Ray and Double R are unbeaten in the playoffs. They'd be right on that account. However, the fact still remains that for three and a half quarters, the Celtics had this game and an 18th title in their hands. But for reasons we're still unclear on, they let it go. Kobe did not help his case for being even a Jordan equal in this game, for if not for the performances of Pau Gasol, Derek Fisher and my peoples Ron Artest...

Kobe would've suffered the indignity of watching Boston celebrate on their floor. So now, he stands atop the mountain as the undisputed "Best Player in the Association". Sorry LeBron, ya got a lot of work to do to close this gap and if you're set on staying at home, you may NEVER close that gap. (Just a word to the wise.) Ron Artest has effectively put to rest any and all grumblings about being involved in the Brawl at Auburn Hills, unless of course you're a Pacers fan in which you have my undying empathy because your franchise still hasn't recovered. Phil Jackson gets himself an 11th ring and as you've heard and will continue to hear, this guy wins titles in clusters of THREE. Did it twice in Chicago during the 90s, will be deliberating on whether or not his body can take the grind of trying for it one more time next season. At the moment, at the sake of sounding like the talking heads...the Lakers are your preeminent favorites going into next season. The nucleus is in place for next season and I'm lead to believe short of (and this might be the ONLY scenario out there I see putting a dent in a threepeat) Bosh, Wade and James in South Beach with Pat Armani coaching these three...the Lakers will threepeat.
Whole Lot of Shufflin' Goins On.
- There have been a slew of coaching moves made. Some were justified, others, not so much.

Mike Brown and Danny Ferry Out, ??? and Chris Grant In.
- Well, I guess leading the Cavs back from the abyss it resided in for the early part of the Double 0's just doesn't account for what it should does it? Mike Brown had the great fortune/luck/whatever of coaching the 2nd best player in the league and in doing so, coached the Cavs to its best season ever in 2007. (Even if nobody truly appreciated it for what it was and a week from Thursday when contracts can become official, it might be too late for the Cleveland faithful.) There are those who would rather do a stint in Leavenworth before agreeing to sign on to coach the Cavs, especially if there's no LeBron here. With LeBron, you're looking at easily a 50 win team. Without...I see many Springs spent in Secaucus counting ping pong balls in the Cavs' future.

At the end of the day though, while I can lay a little blame at the doorstep of Mike Brown for not doing ANYTHING to get more out of his players in the clutch, I blame Ferry for assembling this PuPu Platter of a roster. For making the move to get Shaq a year too late. For settling for the third best piece in the Washington fire sale this past season, rather than Butler or even going for the gusto and getting Arenas. For settling on Mo Williams rather than pushing for Michael Redd. A whole lot of #3s and no clear cut #2 will be etched on Ferry's epitaph and Gilbert's too if he's unsuccessful in playing the "Loyalty" card over the next 9 days or so. I do believe Brown will find another job in the NBA or he should, a helluva lot sooner than Ferry does.

Mike Woodson out, Larry Drew in.
- Ya know, it dawns on me that the NBA might be the only sport where players you don't know and barely even heard of get coaching gigs faster than the known names do. Or as history will show, your successful ones are the guys at the end of the bench who get to break down the game from every angle imaginable. Or not. :P Woodson basically improved the Hawks exponentially and much like Lenny Wilkens way before him in the late 90s, couldn't get the roster where it needed to be in order to advance past the 2nd round. Oh, laying the unforgivable egg they laid this past Spring, really didn't help matters much.

Yet another instance of the coach falling on the grenade that's reserved for management, which gave him a really good team, with no legitimate center to speak of. I honestly don't know a single thing about Larry Drew, but maybe Atlanta knows more than I do. What I am certain of is that without a legitimate big man to man the 5 spot so Horford and Smith can man their regular positions and without a returning Joe Johnson, these birds will be flying south in the East next year.

Kevin Pritchard out, ??? in
- Normally, I'm not giving much to a GM...but in this instance, I'm on his side.

Let me take everyone here back to about five, maybe six years ago. Anyone tell me where the Trail Blazers were at that stage of the game? Short of being in the Pacific Northwest, I doubt it. They were a laughingstock, a team comprised of more nutjobs than your local looney bin would allow. There were even some who believed that Portland's team got hijacked by a group of looney tunes who could actually play basketball, but that hasn't been confirmed nor denied for certain. What is certain is that perhaps the second or third best GM in the Association has been future endeavored by Paul Allen (man, this guy's really batting a grand in the bad decisions hiring/firing department ain't he? First he hires the guy who while successfully winning a National Title at Sanctioned California, also got them hit with heavy sanctions and jumped ship before the ship hit the iceberg. Now, he fires the guy who got the Trail Blazers back on a relevant level.) and well, how would you like to step into this job, hmm?

I haven't really read or heard much as to the "why" behind it and even if I have, maybe what I've heard isn't enough to justify it. Because all told, short of Pritchard channeling his inner Daniel Bryan and choking Allen with his own tie before spitting on him...this can't be justified. Short of Presti in the Oh Kay Cee, no other GM has his team built for the future the way Pritchard has. Pritchard's savvy manuevering has put Portland in a position where all they have to do is coach up the pieces they have in place and wait for the Lakers to wither and fade. (Or something to that effect.) Prokhorov, if you're listening, here's the guy you may want to hire if Jerry Colangelo doesn't come on board in three weeks when Thorn steps down.

Vinny Del Negro out, Tom Thibodeau in.
- If ever there was a coach I really felt got a serious raw deal, it's Vinny this past season. I think short of how Girardi got done in Florida a few years back, I really can't recall another coach getting the heave-ho in such a fashion. I think every day was a battle for him, from going at it with Paxson (who was probably lashing out after being the whipping boy for MJ once upon a time, only it came at the worst possible time) to having to control 12 to 14 different egos on the sidelines...oy.

Now, they've hired the basketball equivalent of Belichick (for the sake of this analogy, we'll call Doc Bill Parcells) in the hopes of completing their climb back to the top of the Eastern Conference. Oh and in my Free Agent Primer, I'll tell ya why this spot isn't as attractive as most believe it to be. One huge reason is something that MJ touched on during his Hall of Fame speech.

Bad Coaches out, Avery Johnson in.
- For the second time in my existence, one of my favorite teams didn't wait on Phil Jackson. Okay, the first time the Knicks basically played on enabling Jackson to go to Los Angeles, but still. Avery Johnson...isn't a bad guy, I don't think. He's definitely a modern day Mike Brown, coach who had an insane amount of talent he translated into one Finals appearance, but did nothing but underachieve after that. (Only in Avery's case, his underachievements were the stuff of LEGEND. Blowing a 2-0 lead to put him alongside the 1977 Sixers and then becoming the first team since the NBA went to a 7 game format to lose to an eighth seed the year after.) Now, the Nets fan in me wants to believe that his failures came from having Dirk Diggler as his best player and nothing great can come from that equation. Just ask Rick Carlisle who saw the Mavs (who were supposed to be the most formidable opposition for the Lakers in the West before the playoffs started) go down in the first round to an angry Spurs team almost meekly.

The only player he's actually familiar with is Devin Harris, but beyond that, I think there's much here in place that he can win and win FAST depending on how the next two weeks unfold.

Now for the Draft...well, it was boring. My God in Heaven, it...was...BORING. But I'll cover that as part of my Free Agent Primer, coming up NEXT.

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Vuvuzela

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 12:37:26 -0400

When the World Cup started I didn't mind the vuvuzela, but after so many games, if I ever saw someone carrying one of these things on the street, I'd probably snap it over his head. I hate you, vuvuzela. I hate you so much. Thanks to the vuvuzela, I no longer feel sorry for those South Africans who spent so many years stuck under the boot of apartheid. In fact, you probably deserve it, just for inventing that infernal angry-bees horn.

Video via: Up Next In Sports

Finals and other stuff

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 11:59:08 -0400

Don't look now, but we've got a Finals on our hands.

Not but 24 hours after the Blackhawks brought a title home to the Chi, Boston evens up its series with the Lakers. Why? Da BENCH. Let me say this right now...last night's game is the reason why I picked Boston over Los Angeles to start this series. When you've got the luxury to leave your reserves out on the floor in the 4th quarter of a game that if you lose, you've all but guaranteed you're finished (no team has come back from a 3-1 deficit in the Finals), that's saying a LOT. Yes, Rasheed and Nate managed to get boneheaded technicals (Rasheed's was more damaging as he's now one tech away from being done for the series, depending on when he gets it and what the series is), but the Lakers uncharacteristically couldn't make em' pay from the line. But there's a few other basketball stories that deserve my attention, such as but not limited to...

Tom Izzo To Cleveland?!
- Say it ain't so, Izzo. Look Tom, you've got a great thing going in East Lansing. You took a team that had no business being to the Final Four there a year ago and for all intents and purposes, you're probably heading up a Top 10 team coming into this upcoming season. You've got complete autonomy in East Lansing and you won't have the pressure of having a suit give you the boot because you failed to win 30 games or get the team to the National Championship game.

So why, in the name of all that's sensible in the world do you consider a job where MIKE BROWN couldn't succeed after June 2007? Yes, I get that Gilbert's a Spartan alum. Yes, I get that you've got an itch for the Association that you've been dying to scratch. But historically, only Larry Brown has succeeded on the pro and college level. None have done it since. John Calipari made one playoff appearance before he was shitcanned, Pitino made a couple of playoff appearances with the Knicks, but it's his ill fated stint with the Celtics that is more noteworthy than anything else. There's no guarantee that LeBron's coming back and even if he does, there's really no guarantee that any help's coming with him. You'd be going to work for a franchise that has done nothing but regress and regress horribly since its Finals run three years ago, with the rest of the conference around you getting better and younger.

But Len, they're making inquiries about trading Delonte West and Mo Williams...

Weren't those two supposed to be UPGRADES that helped LeBron get to the promised land? Good grief, I'm glad I'm right. I know I've stated I'd type up a letter to LeBron and trust me, it is coming in light of all that's come down the pike since last month's 2nd round elimination. Oh and Dan Gilbert, you're not consulting your franchise player/free agent about who his next coach might be should he choose to stay? I hope and pray you're not THIS moronic. No, not stupid. M-O-R-O-N-I-C. If you're actually telling the truth and not placating to the media, then a month from now when your franchise takes a drop that makes the Hindenberg seem like a feather hitting the floor by comparison...it'll be well deserved.

Now maybe Izzo's capable of pulling this off with or without LeBron. But more than likely, it's highly doubtful WITH LeBron and without him...shit, I'd take Cleveland State beating Cleveland in that race. Tom, you don't want this job. There's a reason Coach K's not looking to be bothered in this lifetime and guess what? He had a chance to coach KOBE BRYANT and said "no". The Association is about the PLAYERS you're coaching, not YOU. Coaches come a dime a dozen, hence why there's such a high turnover in the pros compared to college. You don't have that much room for error, especially in an 82 game season where you've got to worry about 12 egos plus management plus a fanbase that's expecting you to be Christ Incarnate turning pretender into World Champion. I don't like your odds here...STAY IN SCHOOL!

Avery Is Mike's Man In Jersey
- Originally, I was rather livid that Prokhorov settled on Avery. I don't quite like coaches who find ways to blow 2-0 leads in the Finals. It's not exactly conducive to winning a championship, going with a coach who blew one as opposed to possibly waiting on a coach who has won...TEN OF THEM. So, for the second time in my life, one of my favorite teams has elected to pass on the Lord Of The Rings (Phil) and gone another way. In 1999, the Knicks were left with no other choice but to stick with Van Gundy after he basically let the Knicks run themselves to the NBA Finals.

Conversely, I can't say I'm overly angry about this hire either. It's a good hire, it's one that can and SHOULD inspire hope in not just the fanbase, but in potential free agents heading into next month as well. Of course if this brings Dirk to the Nets, I think I may have to bolt ship. I will lay 2006 on Dirk's doorstep moreso than Avery. I'll lay the 2007 meltdown on Dallas as a franchise, because there was no way Nellie was getting thrown out of the playoffs by his old team. Nellie helped build it, he knew how to render it null and void. As for 2008, which was his swan song...eh. But the fact remains, his winning percentage is one of the highest among active coaches and that's cause for optimism. I still maintain that Byron's the best coach in the history of the franchise aside from Chuck Daly, if for no other reason, Byron took em' to 2 NBA Finals.

All told, from a structural standpoint, I can't see why the Nets aren't realistic favorites to get LeBron. Great owner, proven executive, established head coach, young, talented roster. All the pieces needed to not just make a championship run, but to keep it going over the next few years. (I'll lay out the New Jersey formula for at the very least, two titles in the next three years. Including a Plan A *with LeBron* and Plan B *without LeBron*.)

Hollywood Mogul Wants Clips, Confident It Can Land LeBron...
- Okay, the worst kept secret in sports is that Donald Sterling is happy torturing fans in Los Angeles. If there's one reason we don't have two viable options in the Los Angeles area for basketball, Sterling is it. He has made it clear, for nearly three decades that he's not selling the franchise. Takes the whole "you're going to have to take it from my cold, dead hands" to a whole other level. Well, here's a point I was saving for my LeBron Letter, but here it is...

The only hope we have for seeing Kobe/LeBron in the playoffs before Kobe walks off into the sunset as Basketball Jesus to Basketball God (Jordan), is if LeBron's in a Clipper uniform and we get (don't laugh) Clippers/Lakers in the playoffs. Oh and with the way seeding works, why not in the Western Conference Finals? Could you imagine the seismic shift in the Continental Shelf if the Clippers were to not just get to the NBA Finals, but get there at the expense of the Lakers?!

David Geffen is a billionaire entertainment guy who's behind DreamWorks Studios, is a record exec, film and theatrical producer. He's absolutely CERTAIN that as long as he's calling the shots, he can deliver LeBron. Sounds great in theory and in theory, LeBron's legacy would hit Jordanesque heights if he could not just go to the Clips, but get them to a stage nobody ever imagined. Remember the shock we were in when the Arizona Cardinals got the Super Bowl, take that and multiply it by a billion then divide by a million. It'd be THAT HUGE. The other thing to note is that the Clips, actually have a reasonably talented young roster. Good All-Star in the pivot with Kaman, excellent point in Baron, Blake Griffin coming off injury and a lot of young parts that are ready to run wild with LeBron.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, that "letter" will come after the Finals and probably, most likely sometime after the Draft as part of my vaunted "Wrap Up". Now I can give my word that it'll be either just after the Draft or just BEFORE contracts can officially be inked and commitments can be made public (2nd week of July). Oh and even though this has been a primarily NBA driven piece, I have to touch on one college football matter and no, it's not the realignment that's about to hit the NCAA.

University of Sanctioned California Trojans
- I guess the term "Trojan Horse" takes on a whole new meaning now, huh? Pete Carroll's exodus to Starbucks Central to coach the Seahawks now looks a little clearer. Check that, it seems to be a WHOLE LOT CLEARER now that USC's been bitchsmacked by the NCAA. Two year postseason ban, check. 2004 National Championship never happened, check. See us that and raise us the following season stricken from the books, check and double check. Reggie Bush's Heisman possibly being revoked by the Heisman Trust...that, I'm kinda drawing the line at for this reason.

Reggie's indiscretions were off the field, not on it. When he was on the field, he was the best player in the nation. Period, point blank. Still, they're losing scholarships, they'll go two years without a single bowl appearance and well...the best two year stretch of USC football is off the books entirely as if it never happened. Ya know, not to be overly conservative, but I'm getting sick of these coaches that run to the pros the second they smell shit like this coming. Kelvin Sampson didn't get off so easy, but then again he was such a repeat offender they had no choice but to make it so anyone who hires him shows they've essentially got a screw or two loose.

But yeah, I'm not going with the "doom and gloom" smiel for USC. There are more than enough talking heads doing that for me. If this were any other program, sure. It would be. But guess what? Miami and Alabama were hit with sanctions from the NCAA, they rebounded and won national titles after picking up the pieces. My personal theory on sanctions is this...

If you're a school like SMU, who received the vaunted Death Penalty and has never been the same since, you need to keep your nose clean. Cross every T, dot every I, even ones that aren't there. Sanctions can and usually will kill your program. If you're a program that's got name credibility among high schoolers, like Miami, Alabama or USC...you'll take a hit for a couple of years. You'll probably lose more than you're used to and see others pass you by. But once you get clear of them and can recruit on the level you're used to recruiting, it's back to business as usual. That's what USC has here. It will suck for the next few years and yeah, the Pac-10 will probably see some new faces atop that conference. Especially if it adds most of the Big XII South sans Baylor as most expect. (Not to mention geographically speaking, I think it'd help the Pac-10 gets some more brownie points with the BCS than going to the Big Not Ten Conference like Nebraska's doing.)

I think Lane was basically the wrong man at the right place at the wrong time with Tennessee. There was no way he was outrecruiting the New Ball Coach, nor was he topping Florida in that division. (Never mind the beasts in the SEC South that he had to try and outrecruit on a yearly basis.) Best case scenario, he manages an upset or two over a Georgia or Alabama, staves off the axe and eventually gets canned in 4 maybe 5 years tops. He got offered a much better job (although the circumstances went from possibly bad to downright repugnant in the blink of an eye) and he took it.

So now, USC has to make do with what it was dealt. They got caught cheating and the fruits of their labor will be repo'd by the NCAA. Guess the "V" now stands for "Victimized"...eh?

A Little World Cup Warm-Up

Wed, 9 Jun 2010 19:12:54 -0400

If the USA vs England smack-talking hasn't fired you up, then this amazing goal from Spain's friendly versus Poland ought to. Yes, they're just the Polish team and thus probably distracted by a mirrored disco ball in the stand or an exceptionally shiny pair of diamond earrings, but this passing sequence is exquisite. I haven't seen a Spaniard with moves like that since Inigo Montoya!

All of a sudden, I'm very glad the US isn't in Group H.

Boston/Los Angeles XII: Green With Title Envy (NBA Finals Breakdown/Preview)

Tue, 1 Jun 2010 13:58:05 -0400

Alright, if this were Street Fighter, it'd be Ken vs Ryu. Only if Ryu were rocking a green fit and Ken were styling old school purple and gold. Don't believe that this isn't personal for Kobe, cause it is. Don't believe it's not about payback, because the more they try to sell that, the more it IS about payback for the Lakers. Here's the facts...

A) These teams combined have accounted for more than HALF of the NBA Championships celebrated in NBA history. You realize what that means? That's the equivalent of the Steelers and 49ers meeting in the Super Bowl, accounting for a chunk/half of the Lombardi Trohpies handed out in February. (Also note, we NEED to see those two hook up just once in February.)
B) This is the 12th time these two have met up in the NBA Finals. 9 out of 11 times, Boston's gotten it done. Never mind "rivalry", this is BEEF. This is what Biggie was rapping about once upon a time. Maybe we won't get Ron getting clotheslined by Kendrick, but this is personal.
C) For all that Kobe's done this year to inch closer towards Laker Immortality, here's a surefire way to get his name mentioned.

Beat Boston. As it stands right now, only a handful of Lakers stand in that hall so to speak. Big Game James, Kareem and Magic. The Showtime Lakers succeeded where Wilt, The Logo and others failed. They wrested the title away from Boston in the 80s, besting Larry's Big Three TWICE in three tries. How poetic is it that in order for Kobe to get one for the thumb, he has to best the Lakers' traditional summertime rivals? Hatfields, say what's great to the McCoys rocking the Boston green.

Now, let's kick the ballistics shall we?Coaches
- Normally, there aren't many instances where I'd go away from Big Chief Triangle aka Lord Of The Rings. Doc Rivers can only hope his coaching career ends with him getting HALF of the rings that Phil has on his RIGHT HAND ALONE. But Doc stands with only Larry Brown as the only coaches who can say, "we stood toe to toe with Phil in the NBA Finals and I outcoached him". Phil historically speaking, has only met the same coach in the Finals two other times.

Jerry Sloan's 0-2 against him during Phil's time in Chicago and Larry Brown drew even with Phil after Detroit turned out the lights on Los Angeles some 6 years ago. Payback for 2001 when Philly was dramatically undermanned and outgunned. Phil's now treading into some rather unprecedented ground, as he's now going for uh...one for the toe? Or maybe one for Jeannie's finger if that first one was too much for ya. No question he'll have Bynum around for this series, something he didn't have the first time around. He'll also have Artest, who gives him a pitbull at this stage he hasn't had since Rodman in Chicago.

Doc on the other hand, brings the concept of "together". The ole 'five fingers brought together are more powerful than five fingers seperate" deal and well, with KG back and Rondo playing out of control, the C's look as potent as ever. Doc made Mike Brown, former Coach of the Year look so mentally inept, it got Mike future endeavored in Cleveland only two weeks after the fact. Doc turned SVG into what Shaq labeled him a few years back, a Master Of Panic before punching Orlando out in 6 games. The Triangle wasn't so daunting two years ago that the Doc didn't have a prescription to beat it.

I think the same holds true this time around. He's not awestruck by Phil's presence and he's damn sure not intimidated by them.

Advantage: D-O-C

Frontcourt
- The Lakers will go into these Finals with something they didn't have in 2008. Bynum back in the lineup, even if he's not entirely HEALTHY. Let's not mix words, L.A.'s length with Bynum, Gasol and Odom give them an advantage that against most teams...is enough. Against Boston, it's a push at best. Perk, KG, Sheed and The Ticket Stub (Glen Davis) form the response that Boston's throwing at Los Angeles. While Powe took his ball and went to the Cavs, Boston's frontcourt is still more than capable of matching up with the height that Los Angeles will throw at them. Add to this the addition of my favorite QBer Ron Ron against The Fact, Paul Pierce...I conclude this is a...

Advantage: Push.

Backcourt
- Here's where as they say, it gets real ugly. Yes, the Lakers have Kobe and after that, break out a Hubble telescope because there's not much else that will have Boston shivering in fear. Derek Fisher's getting up there in age, but is good for an occasional big shot or two when need be. Beyond that, on the defensive side of the ball he's going to be mincemeat against Double R. Boston's backcourt startingwise remains as it was two years ago. The only big time difference is that Double R's maturation now adds an extra dimension to the Boston Three Party. On top of that, you've got Little Nate Robinson who can come off the bench and give the C's that ability to slash and take it in with authority...I like Boston here. A LOT.

Advantage: Boston

Series Overall
- Boston stands on ground that was occupied by the 1995 Houston Rockets all by their lonesome. Those Rockets you might recall, came from a 3-1 defecit to bounce the Phoenix Suns in the 2nd round and then humiliated MVP David Robinson and the Spurs in the West Finals to march on to the NBA Finals. The Spurs and Suns, owned the two best records in the NBA during that 95 campaign. Those Rockets, ended up winning the title. Boston to get back to where they were in 2008, bounced Orlando and Cleveland in 6 games respectively. The two best teams in the NBA, recordwise, are home having been future endeavored by the C's. The C's now are just four wins away from putting their name alongside those Rockets as having beaten the top three teams in the NBA recordwise, that had a better mark than they did in the regular season.

On the flipside, Kobe stands four wins away from one for the thumb. Phil stands four wins away from either a nice extension, or walking away for good or (HOPEFULLY) taking a walk to New Jersey to help begin the single greatest turnaround story in NBA history. Or maybe just picking up where it left off in 2003, before the longest intermission known to man occurred. Ron Artest has NEVER won an NBA Championship. For the other Lakers, it's about showing that 2008 was just that, 2008...not 2010. It's about showing that history is NOT indicative of what's to come or what's going to be. History speaks to Boston owning Los Angeles 9 out of 11 tries, with only the 80s keeping this from being the single greatest lopsided "rivalry" this side of Tom and Jerry.

Kobe's Game 6 performance combined with Ron Ron reminding us about Queensbridge in Games 5 and 6, normally would be enough for me to look the Lakers' way. NORMALLY. But this time, I'm going with Boston. I think this for them, is about showing everyone that wrote them off as being too old, too fat cat happy off of 2008 that they're still hungry. They're still the champions and in UFC terms, it's the World Champs against the Interim Champs. In an Association where rematches come few and far in between, people need to cherish this. As I stated before, maybe we're not going to get a redux of Kurt getting Klotheslined by McHale, but this will be nasty. Kobe still has the image in his head of Boston stunting after a 39 point closeout win in Game 6 of the NBA Finals. Pau Gasol's been the only Laker to keep it real enough to admit, yeah, it's still in my mind.

Let me put it this way, if someone blew me out by 39 in a series ending game, that would be in my mind until I got a chance to meet them again. Even if I won a title the year after, there is no getting clear of that. Unless of course, you beat the team that put you down like that. Boston appears to have the swagger of a team that wants back what it feels was never really taken from them. They've laid to rest any notion that Orlando was ready to take the throne from them in the East, proving KG's absence was the only reason we didn't get Boston/LA XII last Summer. Now, it's about proving to Los Angeles that there's a reason 9 out of 11 Finals have ended with Los Angeles seeing "Green".

I think this Summer, it's 10 out of 12 for Boston. Doc lights another cigar in Red's memory and most likely, Phil will exit stage left. (Hopefully, to fly to NJ and exit off of 15W to coach the Nets.)

Boston in 6.

Ronaldo: A Journey To Fatness

Thu, 20 May 2010 15:09:11 -0400

This video of Ronaldo throughout the years is frightening, yet also oddly mesmerizing. I think it's the music that does it, quite honestly. The fact that you can watch Ronaldo visibly grow larger and add extra chins is also kind of impressive.

What's also kind of impressive is the career Ronaldo had despite being the fattest guy to ever play soccer (apparently, anyway). Three-time FIFA player of the year, second player ever to do that, and three goals in three different world cups, also only the second player to do that. Ronaldo is kind of like the Shaq of soccer: amazing despite his weight problem and dislike of conditioning. You kind of wonder what he might have been able to do if he had been able to stay away from the McDonald's.